some snow would be nice-

cause we are the best, in the saf

2009-03-29T14:23:00.001+08:00

SAF court martial centre, is the best place i can be to serve my NS.

Perfect life. :)

Next time anyone of you guys go AWOL, tell me beforehand.

and you start to feel sad when it's all over

2009-03-11T13:46:00.003+08:00

Back from Tekong, permanently. Unless I get posted there again, which I hope not =\ Has been a fun experience overall. From the 8~km a day endurance training to the route marches to my superb bunk mates, everything has been pretty good and I enjoyed myself a lot throughout the 7 weeks. Which passed pretty fast to be frank.

Who knows, I might even start missing Tekong. HAHAHA!

Mohawk 1101, Platoon 1 Section 1 Bed 1 signing off, tata~

We, come from a company
Famous in BMT
Come from a very special company
We fight for our glory,
We fight for our victory,
We fight with a spirit never seen before
Mohawk, Mohawk, all the way
We like it here, we like it here,
We found ourselves a home, a home
A home sweet home!

galley by the straits

2009-02-14T23:50:00.008+08:00

Couldn't book any of the more popular restaurants at Demsey Hill, Clarke Quay, etc since I only got back from my adjustment period yesterday. But in the end I managed to find and book a table at Galley By The Straits. It's a really nice waterfront restaurant. Enjoyed the sea view and the food very much. Pretty tired now, but good Valentine's Day.

<3

boys to men

2009-01-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

SQ is going bald for the 2nd time in his life.

See ya people.

a lvl results

2009-01-14T17:36:00.002+08:00

Ok don't know if you people know this, but I have always dreamt about my results before getting them back, and the results I dream about, always come true. Starting from sec 2, I dreamt that I scored 62 for history, and I did.. All the way up till last year prelims, I told David the day before Maths prelim that I dreamt I scored 75 for it, and of course I did when the paper was returned to us.

Okay so what's the significance of this? I dreamt about my A level results. I dreamt that I got AAC for my H2s. As much as I wish for this to be true, it simply cannot be. Because dreams, are eventually just dreams. And the dream I wish to be true, would probably be the only one that don't come true. Besides, I dreamt that my A's were Geography and Econs and my C was Literature. Probably 0 out of 3.

I get this tight knot in my stomach everytime I think about my A level results. First time I ever got so nervous about anything since collecting my PSLE results in primary 6. And Yubin said she heard that A's levels results are gonna be released in early February.

No please. And I pray I won't flunk my A's. I just wanna get into university, I know I didn't study hard enough and I don't need top grades. Just university admission. Just that.

so..

2008-12-29T10:37:00.002+08:00

Many girls on my MSN list has a nick of "Oh My GoSh, tWiLiGhT Is So HoT. EdWaRd RoCkS!!!" or something similar.

1. I think Carlisle and Jasper are both hotter than Edward in the movie.
2. I think Alice is the only pretty one in the movie.
3. The book is half decent but the movie is horribly bad.
4. DoN't TaLk LiKe ThIs PlEaSe.

I wanna get the books in the rest of the series but it seems as though the other books in the series are not as good as the first. Shall see how.

Anyway talking about the movie, it was soooo disappointing. =\ Though I already been warned by so many other people, I didn't expect it to be thaaat bad.

some quotes for randomness

2008-12-22T02:45:00.006+08:00

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. -JRR Tolkien

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. -Winston Churchill

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -Albert Einstein

Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin -- more even than death.... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid. Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man. -Oscar Wilde

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. -Michael Jordan

In times of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. -George Orwell

Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back. - Gladiator

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. -J.K Galbraith

Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone. -John Keynes

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. -Thomas Szasz

Some favourites, especially for their comedic value

If I'd wanted to hear from an arsehole, I would have farted. -B. Connolly

Death solves all problems, no man no problem. -Stalin

I definitely want Brooklyn to be Christened though I don't know into which religion. -David Beckham, apparently not very smart

Been reading quite a bit recently, and pretty much undisturbed. With all the guys enlisting (and coming out already), basically been staying home quite a bit these few days. Reading Twilight. The first novel in thsi series is amazingly addictive, though the author seems to want to emphasise on how hot Edward is. Ok, he's hot, get over it, don't repeat the same thing 20 times every chapter (ain't even exaggerating). Been planning to catch the movie too once Yubin is back from Tasmania, but the horrific reviews is giving me second thoughts. Weiliang, Dongkai, and online reviews all rate it as a pathetically bad chick flick, with poor special effects. Will judge for myself soon enough. And waiting to catch The Day The Earth Stood Still too, has high hopes for that one.

Don't know if I will get the other 3 novels in the Twilight series, but the plot seems to deteriorate with each novel. So, in the next few novels, Bella is supposedly almost killed by Victoria, Jacob turns out to be a werewolf, Edward tries to commit suicide thinking Bella is dead but is stopped, Bella loves both Jacob and Edward but decides she loves Edward more.. and then begs Edward to have sex with her so that they can have a child, Bella turns into a vampire herself and Jacob falls in love with Bella's child, and they all live happily ever after. Urm. Okay. Sorry for spoiling it oops, but the plot is so *insert a word of your choice* I couldn't resist commenting.

Christmas coming soon, can't wait for it to get here, for more reasons than one. ;) Off to bed, it's nearly 3!

some dogs are better than humans

2008-12-20T19:31:00.000+08:00

pjc movie marathon 2008

2008-12-06T20:23:00.002+08:00

Went for it. Was pretty good. Watched Awake, Hansel and Gretel, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Kung Fu Panda, TMNT. Liked all of them.

Anyway this year's movie marathon was even better than last year's. They had a mini buffet and loads of different drinks. There was an X-box and PS-2 setup for people who got bored of watching movies to play. Atmosphere was pretty good.

Need to start correcting my body clock soon.

for the first time

2008-12-04T22:59:00.005+08:00

Yubin and I had a little adventure in the kitchen today.

End product, looks good and tastes good. Not bad for a first-timer like me! Haha. And I am the cake mixture saviour. Hahaha!

Prom was boring, and the food was terrible.

trying for fun

2008-11-29T23:57:00.004+08:00

I put down a random name, and I leave my iTunes on random shuffle, and I see what song I get for each person! Hahaha.

David Lam:
Congratulations, Blue October. Yup.

Weiliang:
Let's Get Loud, Jennifer Lopez

Matthew:
Never Finish, Leigh Nash. Homework or what?

Nazri:
You and Me, Lifehouse <3

Junyao:
Seize the Day, Avenged Sevenfold. Yes yes, seize the day, mug hard for your uni.

Nicolas:
This is the Last Time, Keane. Last time to borrow money? :(

Minyi:
My Idea of Heaven, Leigh Nash. David's actually.

Shiwan:
Far Away, Nickelback

Jasmine:
Remember the Name, Fort Minor. Indeed.

ETHEL:
When You Say Nothing At All, Ronan Keatings. HAHAHA IMPOSSIBLE FOR ETHEL TO NOT SAY ANYTHING.

Crystal:
Through the Fire and Flames, DragonForce

Claire:
Again, Faber Drive

Felicia:
Into Oblivion, Funeral for A Friend. Far from it.

Lissa:
More than Words, Frankie J

Elaine:
Get Smashed Gate Crash, Hadouken. Lol no link.

Lingxin:
Hands in the Sky, Straylight Run. Wouldn't be surprised.

Kityee:
You Make Me Wanna, Blue. Erm.

Geraldine:
Stop and Stare, One Republic

Dongkai AKA SLUTS:
It Ends, Faber Drive

Mr Sas:
Beautiful Girl, Sean Kingston. None out of 2.

Mr Lim:
A Praise Chorus, Jimmy Eat World. (:

Ms Leong:
Cloud Nine, Leigh Nash

Ms Lee:
Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional

Mrs Beh:
Lemon Tree, Fool's Garden. LOL.

Mdm Pathrose:
Polaris, Jimmy Eat World

Ms Tng:
Blue, Leigh Nash

Yubin:
Killin' Me, Faber Drive. LOL. LOL.

in compliance

2008-11-26T00:49:00.003+08:00

Lingxin asked me to do this 10 weird things about myself thing. Haha ok, I shall comply. 10 weird things about myself.

1) I hold my breath whenever I step into a lift and I hold it all the way until I reach the destination floor. Bet you didn't know that. And the record, for your information, is holding my breath for about 60 floors. More than 2 minutes.

2) I like to make funny faces at myself in the mirror at home before I bathe.

3) I am a 19 year old guy, and I have 6 soft toys on my bed.

4) I don't like all insects, dead or alive, and I don't even dare to touch pictures of insects in books.

5) I like to do things at nice numbers around the clock, such as 3.15, 3.30, etc; I don't like starting on tasks at times like 3.20, etc.

6) The first thing I notice about a girl is her eyes, and the first thing I notice about a guy is how many pimples he has.

7) I like to loop a nice song for an entire night, and I will get sick of it and won't listen to it for the next 2 weeks.

8) I like to read newspapers by putting them down on the floor and lying horizontally across my bed and looking down.

9) I like to see what people are doing on the bus by looking at their reflections, but I never ever do look at them.

10) I like to sleep face down on my pillow. (Don't ask me how I breathe)

i am turning vegetarian

2008-11-20T22:01:00.003+08:00

My mum, sis, Yubin and I had dinner at New York New York today. Yubin and I shared this big meat platter for 2 (supposedly for 2) but it came with so much meat. Lamb chops, roasted chicken, fried chicken, potato wedges, salad, baked beans, corn, whatever. So much meat. Oh my god. The plate was huge, almost took up the whole 4-seater table. For $36.90 for the platter, we couldn't finish it at all and my mum and sis had to help finish it. And I realise I really hate lamb chops. Should have ordered the seafood platter maybe. Grilled prawns, crabs, dory fish sound so much better.

So bloated. See? SQ is not a big eater. (: So much meat today, I am turning vegetarian tomorrow! (only for tomorrow)

Time to study Literature. 11 am tomorrow and it's over. Goodbye to A levels, in advance.

so hot, you say it twice

2008-11-15T02:32:00.002+08:00

Madagascar 2 was great, an improvement over the first one though the plot was flimsy. Still, this one was more interactive and emotion provoking compared to the first one. Laughter throughout punctuated by some really touching scenes.

Last paper on the 21st but there's such a long break throughout that I simply don't have the mood to pick myself up and study again. But oh well, since it's already good game for me, I shan't care that much.

Good day today, tata.

dump bras. ban textiles.

2008-11-12T20:17:00.003+08:00

I hope the Cambridge examiners don't cringe at the sight of my handwriting. It's really terrible, far worse than my usual handwriting cause I am rushing to write as much as I can. Maybe they won't understand my handwriting and then fail my paper.

So when I get my A level cert with a DDD next year, I know what happened.

That's a more comforting thought. (:

I am worried. I accidentally wrote 9732/01 on my paper yesterday when it should have been 9732/02. I accidentally wrote my paper 2 as paper 1 on my cover page. Cambridge, don't purposely fail me plzzzz. Then again, I know that's why I would only get D for my econs.

Ok, I feel so much better.

Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault.

HOLY SHIT!!

2008-11-11T21:00:00.003+08:00

Cambridge pwned yubin's head for 200 gold!
Assists: History GP Math Econs Chemistry
Cambridge pwned shuqun's head for 200 gold!
Assists: Literature Geography Econs GP Math
Cambridge got a double kill!
Cambridge is GODLIKE!

Cambridge: You got owned.
shuqun: gg
shuqun: new game next year?

lol SQ got owned.

2008-11-07T22:03:00.002+08:00

..owned big time in fact.

P Geog was a disaster for me, don't mention it.

Maths wasn't good as well, I screwed up my hypothesis testing question and I misinterpreted the tree probability diagram question accidentally, and my last question for the apples I made a major careless mistake by forgetting to square the standard deviation to calculate variance. -.-

That's about 30 marks gone (all those questions are about 10 marks each, with the latter 20 marks due to careless mistakes). /killmeplz

After the 13th, I can finally take a breather. Oh well, doom is only gonna come next year anyway, no need to fret... yet.

this is the last time

2008-10-28T20:27:00.005+08:00

Just 1 short entry before I go back to my rendezvous with Miss Pgeog.

My sister came back from her wallaby in Australia. Don't ask me what a wallaby is, I didn't ask, I never ask any of my family members about their careers. Up till now, I don't even know which army camp my sister works in.. Anyway she bought me a nice big Billabong bag and a huge luggage bag of chocolates. I better not eat too much of the chocolates in case I fall sick again. Say hi to me if you see me in school yea? I will offer you something. (: She bought me a tie too. She supposedly went to some big fashion shop in Aus and asked a pretty prominent local designer about what tie colour I should match my prom shirt with. So she bought me this dark-coloured tie through his recommendation.. which I don't think fits my prom shirt colour at all. Oh well, I will just wear it on prom night to avoid disappointing her.

Revision is coming to a standstill, it's getting draggy and I can't wait for it to be over. I know I am gonna disappoint myself when the results come back, I know I will tell myself on that day how much better I could, and should, have done. I know I will regret when that day comes, but like everyone else, I just can't be bothered about that now.

I told Daryl before, if you had asked me just before I came Pioneer what I expected to get for A levels, the thought of anything less than straight A's would have been ludicrous. But the swagger, or arrogance you may call, is completely gone. I haven't been competitive in my studies for a very long time, especially after I left Hwa Chong. Too many a times I lose to someone in a particular subject, and I am just happy for him/her, and too lazy to play catch up anymore. Motivation seems to be particularly bleak this year, even worse than in J1.

I know you will be very happy when you thrash me on that day, Er Jun Yao. Congratulations.

But I don't care, really. (:

Meanwhile, work hard everyone!

And good luck to you. Work hard! (:

:)

2008-10-26T01:50:00.001+08:00

better late than never

2008-10-21T01:23:00.002+08:00

Nazri's expression shows that he probably can't get enough of being on top of Mr Sas.

WHAT-EVER!

2008-10-16T23:05:00.001+08:00

For those who are very stressed.. Something to make your day!!

WHATEVER!~!

fighting all the demons will take time

2008-10-10T23:35:00.004+08:00

Well, today's the last day of my life as an official PJC student.

Seems like it was just yesterday when I left Hwa Chong with nothing more than a testimonial.

2 years flew past so fast I barely noticed.

Thanks A01, enjoyed these 2 years very much. PJC >>> Hwa Chong. :D

EDIT: SPECIALLY FOR ETHEL CHOY

"the people I will miss very much are none other than my best studying partners who are so lovely and nice to me - Jasmine Ng and Crystal Tan!"

And specially - Ethel Choy. I mean it lah, thanks so much. :)

the cycle isn't repeating; it's ending

2008-10-08T23:05:00.001+08:00

I just hope I made the right choice.

Sorry.

Anyway ever since I came PJ, I think the only subject that I improved in is Dota. Thanks David and Weiliang. ;)

because the process never fails, to repeat

2008-10-06T01:08:00.003+08:00

So, it goes round and round, in a circular motion and you're back to square one.

Welcome back.

What really breaks one down is not the outside, but the inside. Hope you realised that by now.

i am a hairy ape

2008-10-01T22:11:00.003+08:00

I ain't on oith and I ain't in heaven, get me? I'm in de middle tryin' to separate 'em, takin' all the woist punches from bot' of 'em. Maybe dat's what dey call hell, huh?

In de cage, huh?

Ladies and gents, step forward and take a slant at de one and only - one and original - Hairy Ape from de wilds of --

sigh.

2008-09-26T17:34:00.002+08:00

I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths. I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths. I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths. I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths. I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths. I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths. I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths. I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths. I must learn to read questions properly and not rush for all my subject papers, especially Literature and Maths.

There, I feel better now. (:

Grats Jas btw.

it comes down to this

2008-09-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

Disgusted at failing Literature.

Disgusted at myself, tsk.

yes lx i am updating

2008-09-13T22:57:00.004+08:00

I think I must be the king of being late, I always have to make people wait for me at the library. Sorry Claire and Daryl about today. Hahaha. And Jas and Ethel too.

Econs is boring my pants off, I think I am pretty okay with my concepts so when I read through the answer sets, I keep re-reading the same thing over and over again which is just phrased differently each time. :(

And Lit paper.. was crap. I tried to think like a girl (see?) but I think it was epic fail. My unseens wasn't really answering the question, and I tried to adopt a different approach to the 2 text based questions. Think I am screwed.

1.5 papers more to go, I can't wait till the end. Can't wait for November 23rd.

EDIT: I screwed up lit, and this time Mr Sas is not kidding. Shucks.

pwnt.

2008-09-08T00:01:00.003+08:00

A' levels pawned SQ's head for 250 gold!
A' levels draw ~~first~~ second blood! (+200 gold)

screwed

2008-09-01T20:42:00.004+08:00

I fell sick at a very bad timing.

And I don't have the mood to study if I can't even concentrate when I sneeze every 10 seconds and my nose is so runny.

I am dead.

It's like, 19 years of my life hinges on these 2 months. Scary.

I must get well soon!

EDIT: _____, thanks for reminding me I can retake A levels. -.- I don't want to. Go through hell all over again.

30th fact for ethel

2008-08-14T23:19:00.001+08:00

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 123,456,789,876,543,21 (:

Cool right, the beauty of mathematics.

bored of econs

2008-08-13T23:13:00.002+08:00

36 random facts.

1. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

2. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

5. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

6. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

7. The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.

8. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.

9. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

10. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

11. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

12. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

13. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

14. Pearls melt in vinegar.

15. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. (why Ethel?)

16. A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.

17. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

18. Turtles can breathe through their butts.

19. Butterflies taste with their feet.

20. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

21. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

22. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

23. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

24. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

25. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

26. It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

27. A snail can sleep for three years.

28. No word in the English language rhymes with 'MONTH.'

29. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

31. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

32. All polar bears are left handed.

33. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

34. If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

35. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

36. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

when the cliche is turning against conformity.

2008-08-08T18:11:00.002+08:00

As we grow older, we get lonelier. We lose the innocence and trust which we once had in everyone else around us. The world teaches us to be wary, and as each day passes, you become a more experienced student and disciple, and realise the teachings you learnt, were eventually right.

When we were a child, you looked to your parents for guidance. If you fell down but see your mum laughing at you, you would grin and lift your butt right up off the floor. If your mum came rushing over with a scared look upon her face, your instincts would tell you something bad has happened, and you would break out in tears and bawl. Our instincts sharpen each day, till the extent some call paranoia. But the paranoia isn't to blame, the life in the world is. Some people only learn lessons through the hard way, while others choose to dodge the hard way and learn the lessons out of textbook knowledge and then get on with their lives. Either way, you don't escape from it, so eventually, what's the point?

Oh sure, some people wanna break out of this vicious cycle. I applaud you, and even envy your sentiment. But I don't endorse what you do. Because ultimately, you know the vicious cycle is never-ending, and escaping one is merely getting yourself trapped in another one. And if you look at the big picture, you would find out that all the cycles and cogwheels are what form the thing you call life. The thing that disappoints you, but force you to keep going. I don't blame those who wants to finish life up as soon as possible (not referring to anyone..) because I share the same sentiment. Sometimes, it's too disappointing for you to want to go on.

While some choose to brag about how they have overcome their inner struggles, and find the meaning to life, I laugh to myself at the sheer thought. Because in life, you don't find meaning. You find false hope, ephemeral optimism and perhaps laughably, happiness. There's no such thing as real happiness if you do care about others, because misery is all around. You're happy, but walk around the corner, and you see someone breaking down and succumbing to the pains in life. It's likely that you can still find happiness, by blocking out the pain of others, but putting yourself as the centre of focus of yourself. Yes, you're happy? Stop deceiving yourself.

Ironically, maybe the best way for you to find any tinge of meaning in life is to detach yourself from it - once and for all.

this heavy act with heavy heart relate

2008-08-05T20:53:00.002+08:00

Ms Zal showed Othello during the lecture today, and I thought it was pretty good. I thought the show really brought out the infinite and yet limited boundaries of human nature and life. Never mind if you don't know what I am saying, I think I don't as well.

Struggling to spend my time constructively on weekends particularly. I need to force myself to study more.

a hungry sq...

2008-07-26T21:01:00.005+08:00

is a scary one. I only just got home and what can I say? I am freaking tired. Pretty amusing/fulfilling day though. Econs financial quiz.. Lol..

1st disaster. Supposed to meet up with Ethel and Jas for breakfast at Macs at Clementi, and the first disaster of the day happened cause I couldn't find where Macs is, so I walked around Clementi and still couldn't find. So they had to buy takeaway for me. How noob.

2nd disaster. Then, we took a bus down to NUS. Got down at the bus stop, then we laughed at some noobs from RJC i think who got down at the wrong stop. Then Ethel was like saying "They so stupid, I think we win them already." Looked around, walked to the LT and guess what? You got it, we alighted at the wrong stop too, 2 stops earlier than our destination and we had to go ask some of the students there for directions. -.-

3rd disaster. The Econs financial quiz itself. Ok, so there were 40 MCQs and 5 problem sums. Not easy. 1 hour. So we decided to go through every question 1 by 1 together to make sure we all get the correct answer. In the end? We finished only 17 MCQs in half an hour, and we decided to split up the questions then, when everyone else had splitted up the questions from the start. So we couldn't finish our quiz. Was pretty darn hard anyway, testing on TPP (Total Physical Product) and some other wtf-i-dunno-what's-it stuff.

4th disaster. Ok, lunch time. They catered buffet and the food looked pretty good. But all the RJ noobs and stuff had rushed straight for the food right after we were dismissed. So us being gracious, decided to wait around first. And when we got there, yes the food were gone. Totally gone. Talk about gross under-production. They are studying econs in university and they can't even cater to social optimal. Tsk tsk. And they ordered takeaway nasi lemak for us from somewhere, and quoting Jasmine, it's "dam disgusting".

But after that it went alright. VJC, Dunman, RJC, NJC were the finalists, no surprises except Dunman. Was expecting HC or AC there instead. RJ was the obvious best team up there but some smart play from NJC won them the championship at the last question, winning by 2 points. Haha Raffles you loser.

Went to JE library to study after that. Pretty productive but I almost fell asleep a few times. Tsk. Geograpy has that amazing effect on me. Anyway, I wanted to have dinner at 7 pm, but I was doing Geography and didn't look at the time, and when I next looked up, it was already 8! (Ok, Ms Lee I am not slacking, you see??) So I packed up and came home without any dinner.

But it's okay, Macs is on the way to my house, I can already smell it from here. (:

hard on you

2008-07-23T21:14:00.002+08:00

I know it must have been a difficult decision to make, but I am behind you all the way! (:

Good luck for your A's next year then Ang Huimin!

now that it's done

2008-07-22T21:35:00.002+08:00

Long day basically. Studied at the canteen alone from like 3 to 8 by myself is no mean feat, you can try! Did my geog stuff and some econs, stoned from time to time but basically still quite alright, quite productive.

Oh, and I am pissed about my CIP hours. I didn't really look in detail but it seems like my peer coaching CIP hours are gone because I quitted this year in J2, and my CCA teacher-in-charge apparently forgot to key in all our CIP hours. Tsk tsk.. But oh well, the CIP hours don't really matter much anyway I suppose..

Was helping lingxin with maths just now in school. Wah... Haha, never mind. Haha isn't it a pity if you get your 4 As and don't do well in Maths? Good luck hur. Erm. 5 As ttm okay?

I never saw it coming, I should have started running a long long time ago.
And I never thought I would doubt you, I am better off without you, more than you, more than you know.

Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

self-realisation... eventually

2008-07-18T15:16:00.002+08:00

I suddenly feel very down for no reason.

Must be the A level's getting to me.

Yes that must be it.

Nothing else. Nothing, please.

apache.

2008-07-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

We once walked out on the beach and once I almost touched your hand.
You know I miss you.
Don't you know that I miss you?
I would write to you from a museum mile, a toast to you,
your whisper, your smile.
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
And I need this now more than I ever did.
Should have never started, ain't that the way it always ends?
On my life I'll try today, there's so much I've felt I should say, but.
Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain.
So here we are now, a sip of wine, a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we'll be smarter.

I need to feel peaceful.

pure pessimism

2008-07-16T21:09:00.001+08:00

After an intense discussion with Ms Literature and ____ just now, I officially conclude that I believe AP is a representation of pure pessimism.

Though I won't write that in essays of course, polarity ftw in exams.

she just couldn't see

2008-07-13T19:38:00.004+08:00

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him.

Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying..... "Just take care of my eyes dear. I'll always love you forever.."

you promised me

2008-07-13T13:47:00.001+08:00

Promises are whispers of what the human soul truly wishes to be true. Whispers of ideals, that, sadly, are in no shape or form able to remain whole within the grasp of the brutal mistress that is reality.

past deception point

2008-07-10T19:06:00.002+08:00

Ok I did okay for Lit, above expectations after the *cough* rumours that were flying around spread by a certain male lit teacher after marking. I guess I am quite glad I did ok, considering that I felt I wrote crap. Did okay for human geog too; Nazri won me by 4 marks, and I think I better go to him for h. geog (or maybe CLAIRE) and pnp consultation from now on. :-)

Sometimes, I feel really bad that I keep saying I will fail but I ended up passing. But I really didn't expect to pass okay, I swear! I guess I can be quite lucky with my academics sometimes, and I need to believe in myself more.

And stupid Lam, I am glad for you that you improved so much. Ish, no u! Loser! Short prick!

palm trees not on an oasis

2008-07-09T19:02:00.001+08:00

Ok I already know the marks of all the papers which I can pass.

Now awaiting Lit and Geog, those I know I can't pass.

Sigh.

going down and under.

2008-07-08T19:26:00.003+08:00

Ok.

I am gonna fail lit! I think. Most probably. 26/50 so far for paper 1. 16/25 for othello, which is okay, but 10/25 for an uncomplete cnc essay. The 10/25 really sucks. Didn't have enough time for the cnc cause I spent too long on the pnp and othello essay. And considering that I have never gotten higher than 8/25 for a pnp essay before, my time spent on it is wasted, should have focused on cnc instead. F***! See how it goes when I get back pnp and paper 5. And paper 5 is probably worse than paper 1, so I am screwed.

Ah, I failed my lit.

Mr Sas, please don't come kill me. Maybe you should just stop reading my blog. :D

write me an epitaph

2008-07-01T23:54:00.002+08:00

So, it's lit paper tomorrow morning and I am still awake now. Gosh lingxin and geraldine are sooo funny.

Ok I think I am gonna die for tomorrow. So good game.

Sometimes, don't you wish you can turn back time? To put some things right, to accomplish what you had once set out to do but failed halfway, to escape from something that hit you really hard in the gut. Too bad you can't.

I have a powerful kind of aching inside me now.

paradoxical indeed.

2008-06-25T18:35:00.002+08:00

sq is sad.

):

You wanna know why?

preppy says:
was othello easy?
//shuqun indifferent yet a total wreck says:
dunno, first time writing full othello essay. cnc might have gone a bit out of point cause i wrote different stuff from the other guys. they going on about domestication of women which i didnt really see. sigh
preppy says:
maybe ur fats blinded you from the blinkers of the truth
preppy says:
:)
preppy says:
nevermind la
preppy says:
lose more weight then can see next time

ZZZ

preppy says:
night dude
preppy says:
eh...dun tell the whole world i call u fatso la...wait they think i bully u lei

This person on MSN, whom I shall keep anonymous, is bullying me to no end. Someone save me plssssssss.

2008-06-24T23:56:00.003+08:00

Mr Sas: Good luck fatso
Mr Sas: For tomorrow

I got pwnt. U for lit nowzxzxz.

2008-06-23T19:43:00.008+08:00

I realise I really suck at eating crabs. Just went out to have some chilli crabs to satisfy my cravings and I can't do shit with the crab. I don't know how to extract the meat from beneath the layer and layer of hard shell, and I suck at biting the shell to extract the meat, I am more busy spitting the shell bits than actually eating the meat.

I am such a sad noob, I can't eat one of my favourite food in the world. ): This is crap.

Back to my secret rendezvous with Ms Economics and David Ricardo and Keynes.

did you know Malthus was a classical economist?

2008-06-21T22:20:00.004+08:00

According to David Ricardo, even if a country could produce everything more efficiently than another country, it would reap gains from specializing in what it was best at producing and trading with other nations. Ricardo believed that wages should be left to free competition, so there should be no restrictions on the importation of agricultural products from abroad.

The benefits of comparative advantage are both distributional and related to improved real income. Within Ricardo's theory, distributional effects implied that foreign trade could not directly affect profits, because profits change only in response to the level of wages. The effects on income are always beneficial because foreign trade does not affect value.

Comparative advantage forms the basis of modern trade theory, reformulated as the Heckscher-Ohlin theorem, which states that a country has a comparative advantage in the production of a product if the country is relatively well-endowed with inputs that are used intensively in producing the product.

Memorise this for a powerful intro for CA and IT essays shuqun plzkthnxbye.

Don't you wish you were born 200 years earlier? Then, any public declaration that you make that uses a bit of common sense will be inducted into the "Famous quotes" hall of fame where your future, future descendants will have to learn.

Leonardo Fibonacci came up with this sequence. 1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21. The famous Fibonacci sequence where each number is made up of the sum of the 2 preceding numbers. Gosh, why didn't I think of it?!

28,19,12,4,-2,-10,-56.

SQ's famous sequence. Find out the pattern from 1 number to the next and I will treat you your yearly supply of bubble tea for your next 10 years.

EDIT: Hahaha was talking to G just now.

G: So, you're pretty fat and ugly, how do you feel about that.
Me: I am reading geog now, avoid discouraging me now plzkthnx.
G: Truth wad. I mean, what's so good about being a fatty like you?
Me: Hm.. Fat kids are harder to kidnap. You see, when people like David Lam tries to kidnap me, it takes at least 4 of him to carry me and 1 to open the van door and another 3 to push me into the van forcefully. And I eat about 3 bowls of rice per meal so I will probably make the kidnappers bankrupt and they would release me even before my parents try to pay the ransom.
G: ROFL.

Fat is the new trend.

a glimpse of truth and reality

2008-06-21T12:28:00.003+08:00

I don't know what's worse, doing the exams or getting back the results. Have been trying to study whenever I go to the library, since i do zero mugging at home. Go to the library about 4 times a week, and each time a few hours. Read and read the notes, but nothing seems to go in. Write and write notes, and you're merely copying lecture notes and nothing goes in still. Maybe I just lost interest in studying my current subjects, especially geography. Damn damn damn, I should have taken CSE instead of geography.

Ok so now a realistic projection of my mye grades:
Econs: S
Geography: S
Lit: E

Those are probably the best I can get. Lol I am not smarter than any of you, nor are any of you dumber than most hwa chongians. If my mye really screws up bad, I think i better start serious mugging. If you think jy is the most antisocial mugger you know, you haven't seen me. Really, when I get serious, jy is nothing. Nothing.

I can get a 100x more antisocial than jy. You'll see.

2008-06-19T20:08:00.002+08:00

Lol I got pwned by NS medical checkup today. It was at CMPB at 1.30 and I reached there slightly early. Filled up some forms, queued up a bit and sat around waiting for my turn. The form that we had to fill up required us to indicate our highest level of education ATTAINED. So I looked at the options. PSLE, O levels, N levels, A levels, and a few others. And I have no O levels and no A levels yet, so zzz....

Went to Station 2 for my first station, to check my hearing. Thought I would screw this up since I am always blasting music on my earphones and I am probably half deaf already but it went really well and I was assigned pes A for this category =X Then went Station 3 to take an X-ray for the first time in my whole life. Went to the dentistry station next and I got pes A for this station as well. It's so funny, getting pes A for physical condition but when my NAPFA results come out I am gonna drop to pes B or C or something =D

Then I had to take this blood and urine test. I had just urined before the urine test so when they passed me the cup I was like 'Shit!' Spent 5 min in the toilet forcing the forces of nature to come. Zzz. And the medic took so much of my blood that I seriously thinks it's a cheap thrill for him to draw my blood or something.

Then they took my blood pressure and height and stuff. This part freaked me out. The other guys usually took their blood pressure test once but I had to take it thrice.

Medic: Your blood pressure seems quite high.
Me: ... (Shit!)
Medic: Have you been sleeping late recently?
Me: Yea around 4 to 5 am everyday.
Medic: No wonder.
Me: Ah. (Phew...)

Then I had to go for some other tests which is not convenient to talk about here because it's out of bounds to girls (: But I got pwned hard seriously, by their IQ test. The IQ test was the longest station, took about 2 hours plus. It's UNFAIRRRR. There was this big section of the IQ test testing us on science and physics questions. Gosh, I am a freaking arts student! And I always thought I had a reasonable IQ, but I didn't get to finish most of the sections. Usually 30-35 questions in around 11 minutes, and there was about 10 groups of such questions. I usually linger too long on 1 difficult question. Damn! I must look like a dumbass now. But their IQ test is seriously quite tough. ): Mostly maths questions though.

So now, I have to go back in July to retake my blood pressure test. Zzz. I shall sleep early nowadays then, before 2 at least, and before 11 after school reopens. Stop asking me to dota! Pfft.

And this is why I hate going for medical check ups, I don't wanna find out something is wrong with my body.

think you know? think again.

2008-06-14T17:28:00.001+08:00

All of your life, you've been lied to.

You've been told what life is supposed to be about. Grow up, do well in school, make friends, get a girlfriend or boyfriend, get a good job, get married, get a nice house and have kids. Watch tv, go to church, vote, find some hobbies to entertain you. Donate money to charity. Go on vacation. Get old, retire, spend time with the grandkids. Look back on your life with nostalgia, look forward to the afterlife of your choosing.

This is what you're supposed to do, this is what normal people do. This is what everyone else is doing. Oh sure, there are a few aberrations here and there, sometimes some people slip off this track, but you can get back on at any time.

Of course, when you actually look at the world around you, you may see something entirely different.

See that young married couple living next door, with the wife gardening in the front yard while the kids play out back? She's snowed under with Xanax all the time, without which she'd be in a continuous state of anxiety. And her 6 year old son, he's following in mom's footsteps already, taking his daily dose of Ritalin to keep him tranquil enough to sit still all day at school.

She stopped sleeping with her husband several years ago, but that's ok, cause he sneaks off a couple times a week and has sex with street prostitutes in the back seat of his car, or a nearby motel. He feels a bit bad for them, and tips them extra.

His favorite prostitute is always glad to see him, because he's pleasant enough and an easy $75. Too bad they can't all be like him. She gets beaten up and raped by johns multiple times a year, but that's ok, she can handle it, cause even at its worst this job is still better than what she went through as a child. Besides, there's no other way she could support her crack cocaine habit.

And the cop who tries to arrest her, last night he arrested the neighborhood marijuana dealer, then went home and got nice and legally drunk on jack daniels.

And the cop's daughter, the pretty high school cheerleader, sneaks off and vomits after every meal so she won't get fat.

But these are all small scale problems. Don't forget that, several times a century, often enough to happen at least once during the average human lifetime, all the most powerful nations of the world divide up into sides and begin slaughtering anyone they can find on the opposing side by the millions. This is agreed by all to be unfortunate but necessary.

And the city you live in, if you're in a western country and living in a city, has already been targetted by some country's nuclear weaponry. A few pushes of the right buttons, and you'll be vaporized, or survive and live in some radioactive wasteland. But that's ok, because it probably won't happen in the immediate future, so you might as well go out and buy the week's groceries.

Beneath the thin veneer of civilization lies a howling madness, and the average normal human being has the ability to commit genocide during the day, then come home and tuck the kids in at night, or to ignore the pain of a billion people in misery while mowing the lawn or doing christmas shopping.

The Big Lie is that all of the problems of human life are separate. If you compartmentalize them all, you can convince yourself that once you lose that 40 pounds, or get more money, or get your husband to stop beating you, or finally kick that addiction, you'll be a normal happy person like everyone else. And once you get the right politician elected, or win the war, or convert the infidels to your religion, the world will be a happy place.

The problems of life are all symptoms of the same cause. The locks on your doors which you need to keep out burglars, the schoolyard bully, the serial killer, the drug addict, the drug dealer, the billionaire who thinks he's being exploited by the poor, the millions of soldiers fighting for peace, the enslavement or slaughter of entire races of people, and your own unhappiness, all are interconnected. They are all part of one problem.

I wish I could define the problem for you, or offer a solution. Human beings seem to have a basic design flaw. We're a fucked up species, striving to be healthy and happy while simultaneously destroying ourselves and each other in a million different ways.

The only positive note I can end this on is that it's better to understand all this than to be ignorant of it, I think.

2008-06-10T00:38:00.002+08:00

Actually...

I think David Lam was right all along.

everything would be alright

2008-06-09T19:44:00.003+08:00

We bought some wine and some paper cups,
near your daughter's school when we picked her up,
and drove to a cemetery on a hill, on a hill.
and we watched the plumes paint the sky gray,
as she laughed and danced through the field of grapes.
there i knew it would be alright
that everything would be alright,
would be alright.

OMG ETHEL OWNED ME SO BAD

Meh I got shitass luck these days.

2008-06-08T17:23:00.002+08:00

So.

Spent my whole day today so far reading Wiki, watching youtube, anything to procrastinate.

I think I truly deserve to die, for more reasons than one.

Shuqun ah shuqun, what's happening to you?

Maybe, just maybe, I made the wrong decision 2 years ago.

I am an Econs kid

2008-06-07T00:50:00.002+08:00

Went for NUS talk for the Econs financial quiz thingy today. Ethel, as expected, was late to arrive and first to leave :) K, just joking, but Jas and I waited like half an hour for her! Took a bus in despite initial plans to take a cab. Well, I haven't really been to NUS but now that I took a clearer look at it, the facilities doesn't seem very good. NTU and SMU both look better but I guess NUS is still the best uni out of the 3? Weiliang told me that SMU is now Singapore's best uni though? Someone confirm with me on this?

Anyway the first speaker who spoke from 10 to 12 was okay, quite humourous. Had a break for lunch and they serve us brinjal. So weird right. Out of us 3, only Ethel ate the disgusting thing. Lol. The next speaker talked about the more important topic but he was kinda boring and we spent the whole time copying notes and didn't listen to much of what he said.

Ended at 3, and Ethel cabbed home. Ironic since she just attended a financial quiz on saving money. >.> Jas and I saved money and took 96 back to Clementi. Haha.

Haven't studied since I came back home, but I looked through the financial quiz notes. The sample questions seem quite easy but some part of the notes are weird cause I just can't get my calculations right. Anyway only 4 teams out of all the teams will make it to the final, so Hwa Chong, RJ, NJ, etc, we are here to make up the numbers for you now (:

Definitely lagging behind like crazy on my studies. I still can't motivate myself at home, need to go to the library to study and even then, it doesn't guarantee that anything goes into my head. I am probably gonna do as badly as I did for common tests going at this rate. Sigh.

Sometimes we struggle and struggle, eager to conform with the masses and do what we're supposed to do. But when will we learn it will all come to naught. No two people are the same.

PS. I didn't run today, I feel so guilty. A bit sleepy after waking up at 7.30 am, and David kept playing MSN poker (gosh he got owned so bad) so I didn't run. ):

A wake up call to a rented room, sounded like an alarm of impending doom. To warn us it's only a matter of time, before we all burn, before we all burn.

2008-06-05T19:08:00.003+08:00

Haha, went for a jog just now. Ran about 3 km only, cause it looked like rain and I was caught in the rain while running back. I am sure Mr Sas the busybody must be very happy lol, since he thinks I am fat and look like a mirror. But yea I really am growing fatter, and I think I should keep myself in shape, unlike Mr Sas who has no more NS and thus can't keep himself in shape ;-)

And Death Cab's Narrow Stairs album is really good, Grapevine Fires is such a sad song. Aw..

is it so cold//or is it just me

2008-06-04T10:20:00.003+08:00

I woke up at 7.45 am this morning. Wow that's the earliest I have woken up in a long time besides normal school days. Probably cause I slept earlier last night, at 1.30 am instead of the usual 3 or 4 am.

Going to school for Geography later. Oh well I am certainly not looking forward to it, but there's no choice I guess. I am so sick of everything though.

I see it right in front of me, a vision in my head, and I know this is as real as a daydream gets.

2008-06-02T19:36:00.001+08:00

This guy is good.

Wait till his voice breaks, then aw..

before i hit the ground

2008-06-01T14:21:00.000+08:00

But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away, will you find out who you are too late to change?

Sisyphus is not a myth.

2008-05-25T19:08:00.004+08:00

Ok the holidays are here. (: Lets make a checklist of what to do in the holidays.

1. Study Econs.
2. Study Geog.
3. Study Lit
4. Study Maths.
5. Panic about A levels.

Sounds like a good holiday to me :D Haven't started on any work yet (there's always tomorrow) but I have to admit everyone being so hardworking is really making me kind of scared. By everyone, I mean the girls, not the guys in A01 cause the other guys are mostly even more slack than me.

Sometimes we are trapped in a cycle where we go round and round. We don't know what we are doing, why we are doing certain things and what we expect to get out of doing those things. It's a vicious cycle, we often end up giving up halfway on that journey. We don't realise our potential, and merely grumble at the difficulty of completing the journey, about the fatigue, about the futility of it all.

It helps when there are people around us, who accompanies us along on the journey and we start finding out the journey we are undertaking is not that tiring after all, and the destination at the end of the journey would bring us greater pleasure than ever before told.

Did you know about the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobic!

2008-05-14T21:48:00.003+08:00

Haha I am tired, but I really wanna bitch about college day rehearsal! They asked us to gather in the hall at 4 pm, so I left my CCA at 4 pm to head over to the hall. Talking about CCA, I am gonna sidetrack first. Even thouh I keep saying I got sick of TKD, today was my last day as vice president, and I suddenly felt quite a sense of attachment to the club today! Haha, like they said, you treasure things more when they are gone, same goes with my post. But I have stepped down, and good luck to the future exco! (:

Back to college day, so we gathered at 4 pm, and waited, and waited, and waited, and it still didn't start! I had a short nap and woke at like 5 pm, and they were still clearing the hall and preparing for the rehearsal. Oh gosh, what was the point of calling us in so early? So we were just sitting down on the floor doing nothing for 1 hour. Then at 5 pm, we finally had chairs, and we all sat down, and the rehearsal wouldn't start for another hour. I had another nap till like 6 pm, and it wasn't even our turn yet.

The whole thing ended at near 8 pm, I think Julia, Lingxin, Weiliang, Tricia, Bazilah, Nadiah, Valerie must have been so pissed by then, I was! Haha!

Anyway I was bored and I went to phobialist.com to read, haha you can guess how funny some terms are really!

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - ironically the term for the fear of long words.
Arachibutyrophobia - Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth LOL
Cathisophobia - Fear of sitting (Haha imagine someone standing up for his whole life)
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school (SQ says hi)
Gynophobia - Fear of women (Dino says hi)
Geumophobia - Fear of tasting. Lol!
Ithyphallophobia - Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect male sex organ (Lol guys who have this is epic fail)
Medomalacuphobia- Fear of losing an erection
Pantophobia - Fear of everything
Phonophobia- Fear of one's own voice (Dino should fear this, I can't stand his voice)
Pocrescophobia - Fear of gaining weight (I really should fear this to stop growing fatter, same to you Mr Sas -.-)
Scoptophobia - Fear of being seen
Somniphobia - Fear of sleeping
Vestiphobiav- Fear of clothing (oooooo)

Haha, so funny right!

2008-05-13T19:20:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

Lifehouse and Jason Wade is uber fantastic!

don't it feel like sunshine after all

2008-05-11T04:28:00.003+08:00

It's 4.30 am now and I am still awake. Lol. Don't feel like sleeping. And it's raining cats and dogs outside. I love this kind of weather. Guess I should go sleep soon since the weather is so cooling now and so that I wouldn't be waking up at 2 pm tomorrow afternoon.

Was just looking through my primary school pictures. Haha, you can't imagine how dumb I looked when I was in like, primary 3. Short hair high socks and a bewildered expression whenever a teacher asks me a question. Hahaha. Oh well, I think I better get to sleep, need to revise Geography tomorrow.

Anyway.. I just wanna post a shoutout to J.

Haha thanks, you really brighten my day.

PS. I am not as pessimistic as you think, heh.

2008-05-08T21:21:00.001+08:00

Mr Sas,

Please stay ):

so much to say, no words to convey

2008-05-05T20:31:00.002+08:00

chasing shadows forever

2008-05-03T02:33:00.002+08:00

I'd rather chase your shadow all my life, than be afraid of my own. I'd rather be with you, I'd rather not know, where i'll be than be alone and convinced that i know. And the world keeps spinning round, and my world's upside down but I wouldn't change a thing. I've got nothing else to lose; I lost it all when i found you but I wouldn't change a thing, you and I wouldn't change a thing. Everything I know has let me down, so i will just let go, let you turn me inside out, cause i know i'm not sure about anything at all but you wouldn't have it any other way.

Sigh.

pieces of a broken mirror

2008-04-29T22:43:00.003+08:00

There exists an innate desire in every single one of us, to possess a certain trait of someone else who is sitting right next to us, be it a boy or girl. It can be his/her charming personality, his/her extroverted nature, or even his/her good looks. We are never self-satisfied. We always compare ourselves with others, and our faces fall whenever we realise that we can never be as good as someone else in a certain aspect. It's an irony; we grumble about our parents constantly comparing us with a better student in class, and yet we constantly compare ourselves with others all the time.

It's true, everyone is probably superior over everyone else around us in a certain aspect, but we don't have the belief nor the mindset to find out what it is. We dwell in our self-pity, of realising that we are always losing to someone else, to find out our world is a complex one in which we can never find solace in others nor ourselves, where a broken mirror is an apt reflection of our individual wholeness. We laugh when others tell jokes, we cry when watching a sad movie, but innately, we want to be the one who tells the joke, we want to be the one in the sad movie, the prince charming or beautiful princess who will eventually attain the perfect ever-after ending in the movie. We are all weak, but some choose to hide it and some don't. Either way, I respect both decisions. Choosing to hide your weakness to portray a happy demeanour is a show of strength, no matter how superficial it may be, and I respect you for it. Choose not to hide it, and you're being truthful to yourself, but the next stage is to overcome it so that you can move forward in your life. Otherwise, you will stay in the shadow all your life, and never achieve where your potential could have brought you.

People create a reality, and then become victims of that reality. We look to someone else, a teacher, someone who we believe can alter our state of mind and pass us knowledge. We trust blindly in those who guide us, believing that they know more than we do. They don't. We just don't want to know what we already know.

The Witch of Portobello is a great read, really.

Too bad I don't practise anything i preach.

belief, to believe

2008-04-23T21:57:00.002+08:00

I quote this post from Nazri:

"One day, we'll all take a step back and laugh at how we're taking ourselves too seriously.

It's the same complex that drives our elitist mindsets. We're all trapped in a cycle of tossing away the immature and replacing it with the latest BETA version of what we deem as "higher-order thinking". Out with the old and in with the new. It's the chronic disease of our plasticized generation. We need something that can make all of us realize that who we are, then and now, are essentially different constructions from the same box of Lego. We're only cheating ourselves by not realizing that our derived thoughts are nothing but the same words rephrased in pretentious and obscure structures. Just like how different companies try to market products from the same factory.

We need to realize this, and we need to start laughing at ourselves. Fast."

Quality post, gets my full sincere applause.

But I beg to differ.

It's not our elitist mindsets. We are not trapped in a cycle of tossing away the immature and moving on to a level of higher order thinking. Rather, we are trapping ourselves in our innate need to see something creative, to pretend we can be something that some other person never was before. We need to convince ourselves that our self-entrapment is unconsciously self-voluntary. We do not want to step out of our comfort zone, we do not want to venture anywhere in places and spaces where no one has ever gone, in fear that we will go up against the unknown that will cripple our minds. We are paralyzing ourselves, in order to want to belong, in order to want to know we exist, in order to tell ourselves we are doing something meaningful in life, when the idea of the meaning in life is a severe irony in itself in the first place.

Yes, we can all come from the same box of Lego. But the choice of what you want to be, is infinite. You can choose to use up all the pieces in the Lego set, or you can choose to use only those pieces that you believe would help in the construction of what you dub "identity". Let me tell you what I think, there's no such thing.

But there's one thing I agree with. We need to start laughing at ourselves, fast. But for different reasons from what Nazri had in mind. We need to laugh at ourselves, at our foolishness for ever believing in things that we thought we couldn't achieve, when it was in us all along. We need to laugh at ourselves, that we're idiots that want to trap ourselves in a status quo enclosure and yet blame it on social factors when our innate reluctance to change is the deciding factor in the end.

And we need to laugh at ourselves, because we really do need a laugh.

you run away but you ain't moving at all

2008-04-21T22:13:00.003+08:00

Parent-teacher meeting as well as the further education talks on Saturday was kind of like a complete waste of time to me, since none of my family members was interested in going and I didn't feel any need to attend any crappy and useless university talks, I was just reading the book Jas lent me, 'The Witch of Portobello', most of the time. Mainly, my aim of going was merely to collect my result slip which I couldn't receive, of course, till I met up with Mr Lim.

Lol the talk with Mr Lim didn't turn out as expected. Instead of talking to us about our results, he turned round the tables and asked how he could be a better teacher instead since he was relatively new to teaching. He said he was disappointed that Weiliang and I did not speak out more often in class to stimulate everyone to think so I reckon Weiliang and I would have to speak out more often in future eh? So that everyone would be more interested in the lesson and their intellect will be stimulated. (:

Well he did talk to us a bit about our results, and I told him my poor grades were a result of not studying since I had zero motivation during the holidays, which is true of course. Being stuck in the JC system for 3 years, I am definitely growing weary, and sometimes I really wonder if I made the right choice. Nevertheless, I will be glad to see the back of this year, even though it means I would have to face the terrifying prospect of collecting my A' level results. The last time I had such a fear was when I was collecting my PSLE, but I wouldn't really say I was scared then because frankly, no one gives a damn about PSLE scores. But A's is an entirely different story altogether.

Being caught in a world where you are held steadfast to expectations from society, your parents, your teachers and your friends, it is inevitable that you can feel suffocated at times, when you seem unable to meet any of the expectations from everyone. There is this innate desire to escape, to establish yourself as who you want to be, but of course, you can't. That's definitely what some of us are feeling right now. Mr Lim was right on one point though, I desperately need to rejuvenate myself, and experience something new to spark my life again. Maybe a trip overseas in the June holidays.. Hm...

Mid years? SHUCKS!

when the world finally gets to you

2008-04-18T22:01:00.002+08:00

The monotony of the world and everyone's daily routine is perhaps the very thing that every human being on earth dwells in. When we fail to break away from our dull monotone of futility, we merely internalise it. Humans, or should i say all living things, have the miraculous ability to make things acceptable, and thus making the absolute conformity uniformity. It's sad, to see one struggle in a sea where the waves are made up of fellow poor lost souls who drowned in that sea itself.

And it's amazing how much humans can internalise, from a teacher who tries not to be too insensitive or a potent needle that's supposed to be a phallic symbol.

and you pretend to be high and mighty

2008-04-16T21:08:00.000+08:00

Nazri recently got me hooked on Motion City Soundtrack. Unsurprising, since their songs are all rather emo (about shitty life) and well, you know me. Talking about shitty lives, you know, Mr Sas just about summed everyone's lives up when he talked about existentialism during Lit lecture on Friday. You are born, become a teenager, enter adulthood, start a family, grow old and die. About 6 stages of your life pretty much summarised. One never knows when their life would fast forward to the last stage, and one would also never know when they are getting to the last stage when they so desperately seek for it (aka Plath-esque style)

Looking back at the past 18+ years of my life, soon to be 19 in less than 5 months, I think I have accomplished nothing. Everything just went through my life as it should be, finishing my education (soon), friends coming and going, some relatives passing away, etc. I guess it's the same for everyone, just that it hasn't struck a lot of people yet. Now I know why there are existentialists. Simply put, we are born to die, and whatever we do in the process in between birth and death is what defines us, but why the hell should you care. You can get 4 A's for your A' levels, get knocked down by a car, and off to heaven you go(hell for most of us). I can get 4 U's for A's, get Bill Gates as my godfather, and then outlive you by 50 years, beat that dude. What I am putting across is, the meaning and essence in our lives are ultimately dependent on what we do, yes, but what's paradoxical is that what we do does not matter at all. Not one single bit. Ultimately, how happy your life is is how happy you want it to be. One can never achieve perfection, nor be liked by everyone in the world. To try to achieve either (or both for some) is a fundamentally flawed dream that not only leads most people to achieve the opposite, they often self destruct in the process. Talk about Lear please.

But of course, you can argue that how happy you can get is dependent on how many people in the world like you. Geez. So the point of our existence is to please people so that we ourselves can be happy. Lol, talk about extreme irony. So the essence of your life lies in how much you're doing to increase your popularity in the world for your own happiness. Talk about hypocrisy and self-centredness and superficiality kthx.

I can't deny I myself am living such a life as well (haha thus making all that I said above possibly irrelevant) but oh dude, don't give me the crap that you aren't. Therefore, after making such a pointless speech as the one above, I consider myself a philosophical existentialist.

// sq the philosophical existentialist signing off to do pointless homework //

2008-04-14T19:53:00.000+08:00

Have to say I am really tired. Everything's getting drained out of me so fast I barely know how to react. A drilled routine that fails to superimpose itself upon me. I barely know half of what's going on in physical geog nowadays, and I don't have the energy to go to Ms Lee for consultation. So again, here's my outlet to let myself go. My confidence is draining, my inferiority complex is getting the better of me.

So what's there left but to trudge on.